I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
