I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Two words: nipple clamps
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