he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
