it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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