Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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