I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we have officially lost it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
