I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
