I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
