Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
