Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
