no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
