I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize