I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
