Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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