I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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