too bad you live with your parents still
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
