I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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