i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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