Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
