i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
