the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
