Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
