i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
