Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
