I'm jealous of your bromance
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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