ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you will always have a special place in my vag
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
