My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
