Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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