I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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