How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
