at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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