If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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