Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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