well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
