When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is Oprah even human
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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