I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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