For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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