Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
