Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
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No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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