When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
