i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
