I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
