Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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