Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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