Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
