The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
