never play flip cup with pint glasses
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
