I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
