If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
do herpes really smell.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
