if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
