It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
