Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I look better un-naked...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
