Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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