Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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