I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
