You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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