Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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