I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
