You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
