Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
