someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
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so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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