OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
