Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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