are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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