she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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