Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
