If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
