Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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