Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
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She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i believe in u and ur pee
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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