Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
