Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
