just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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