I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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