Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
